learning from the past (failure)

Everyday is a learning process. Not must be attended a class, if we want to learn something. Learning process can be done everywhere. At home, markets, on a trip, on a conversation we have on a chat, church, from books or anything. Even one inspiring sentence can change someone.
I have a dare to write and post my writing to kompasiana, after reading Mr. David posting title good reader, good writer. Actually I’ve been learning English and writing since last months ago. Met my old friend on social network, we shared information and he suggested me to start write. I was so ashamed to my writing, but in our conversation he always gives me support and checks every post I’ve just made. Thank you friend. I shared to two friends of mine and my husband the link of my blog. And they respond always positive. Actually my first aim to write is to earn money from the internet. But all change, it became second priority after I posted my writing to kompasiana I lost my focus if I just think about money, so I decide to write and also learning how to make a good writing. I believe money will come by itself and my English will be improved too. It’s a must to learn English if I want to write in English.
I had a positive respond from Mr. David Solafide, “touching”. Wow it means a lot for me. I realize that my writing is far away from a perfect. But people learn from a mistake. Learn from mistake, make us bigger and richer. I feel like I found myself back, after prisoned in a frightened jail for years.
Failure made me lost everything. It just like I’ve lost myself. It sunk with all the dreams and ambition. Pregnant in college, forced me to back home, get married and be a housewife. Almost 4 years I just stay at home, do all the homework, everyday just cooking, washing clothes, dishes, making bread to sell, ironing, preparing all my husband need and care of my son. I do all myself. I asked to myself, is this what I want, while my longing to be a civil engineer shadowed me all the time. If my neighbor, have a conversation outside our room, I just stay in. Read or try new recipe. I feel that they judge me as arrogant. But that’s not the reason exactly, I’m not arrogant. I have no confidence after gave birth, become not open minded, closing.
I am the proud of my family, my father especially. My failure made my parents so stressed. But he has a brave heart. Never stop give me support, he has faith that I can rise from my failure. And he sure that my longing to finish my study living deep in my heart. Oh dad, I love you so much. I have a lovely husband, who never stop help me to rise and free me from the jail of frightened. Our life is getting better, since my husband became a government employee two years ago. Hope just on his fee is not enough. Especially for the future of my children. We both have to prepare our children future. And I think I have to get a job too.
One day, my father asked me to continue my study. It needed two months before I took a decision. When I told to my husband, he gave me a permit. It means we have to live separate for a while. I was so afraid, thinking all the possibilities would be come, but he assured me that everything will be allright. And I am here now. Defeat the frightened with a decision and action.
All the frightened that I have been thought really happened, but it solved in their way. I learn how to live by faith and struggle. Learn from the past. From the failure I learn to respect life, I learn how difficult being a parents, finding money for their children. Forgetting themselves, their need always on the second priority. I even never give him a present on his birthday, or Christmas day. I cry on my reflection time, in silent moment, in a conversation with God. And I can feel his invisible hands, pulling me with his love, strengthen me in every tear that falls. Convince me of its presence in the unseen presence.
I thank God for this failure, I know this is one of his greatest mercy. I believe his blessing on the way to touch me. I just need to finish my job, working hard for gain my goals. And let the impossible things in God hand, I believe He will solve the impossible things become real.